Going Home Baby in nicu/scn
You're being discharged from hospital, but your baby is staying in the NICU or Special Care Nursery. This is one of the most emotionally challenging experiences a parent can face. You are not alone.
What You Might Be Feeling
Walking out of the hospital without your baby can trigger complex emotions:
Heartbreak and guilt: Feeling like you're abandoning your baby
Fear and worry: Anxious about what happens while you're not there
Relief: Being home and finally resting
Confusion: Sad even though your baby is in the best hands and receiving good care
Isolation: Feeling like no one understands what you're going through
Overwhelm: Not knowing how you'll manage everything
All of these feelings are completely normal. Some days you'll feel strong. Other days you'll struggle to get out of bed. That is okay.
Your Physical Recovery Matters
Whether you had a vaginal birth or a caesarean section, your body has just been through something enormous. Pregnancy, birth, and the hormonal shifts that follow require time and care to heal.
Why your recovery matters
When you are in pain or exhausted, it is harder to process emotions, make decisions about your baby's care, express milk effectively, and connect with your support network. Taking care of your body is not selfish. It is essential.
What you need to do:
• Rest as much as you can
• Eat regularly and nourish your body
• Stay hydrated
• Attend all follow-up appointments
• Be honest about how you're feeling
If you experience heavy bleeding, fever, chest pain, severe headache, thoughts of harming yourself, or any other concerning symptoms, contact your GP or call the maternity unit immediately.
Staying Connected to Your Baby
You can call as often as you like
The NICU and SCN teams understand that you want to know about your baby. Please call whenever you need to. It can be tricky to visit everyday, especially if you don’t live in the metro area. Calling to see how your baby is doing can be reassuring if you are feeling anxious.
You are welcome 24/7
You can visit your baby at any time, day or night. While there is no space to sleep beside your baby's cot, you are welcome to spend as much time there as you need. When you visit, you can participate in care, hold your baby, talk to them, and stay involved in their treatment as guided by their team.
Stay informed
Ask questions. Ask to see test results. Ask why certain treatments are being used. Ask what the plan is. The hospital staff want you to understand your baby's care. You are your baby's advocate.
If you are from a regional or remote area and cannot visit as often, phone calls and regular updates are just as important. Ask the team to update you at a regular time each day if that helps you feel more connected.
Expressing Milk
If you have decided to express breast milk, you are undertaking something physically and emotionally demanding.
What to expect
Expressing without a baby at the breast is different from breastfeeding. You need to express regularly (typically 8-10 times per 24 hours) to establish and maintain supply. This might mean waking up in the middle of the night when you're already exhausted.
It can feel disheartening if you're not producing much milk. This is incredibly common, especially early on. Very premature babies only need tiny amounts, sometimes just 1 millilitre per hour. Every drop of milk your body makes is filled with incredible nutrients and antibodies designed just for your baby.
Support is available
• Work with a lactation consultant at your NICU or SCN
• Make sure you have access to a hospital-grade electric pump
• Rest and nourish yourself (expressing takes energy)
• It is okay to decide expressing is not right for you. Your mental health and wellbeing matter.
Your Emotional Recovery
Even though your baby is alive and receiving expert care, you may experience grief, anxiety, guilt, and trauma responses. This is real and valid.
What can help
• Talk with people you trust about how you're feeling
• Request a hospital debrief to process your birth experience
• Consider speaking with a psychologist who specialises in perinatal mental health
• Connect with other NICU parents (like through Tiny Sparks WA)
• Be patient with yourself. Emotional recovery takes time.
Remember: Some mothers blame themselves for their baby being born early. You did not cause this. You cannot prevent it. This is not your fault.
Your Partner Needs Support Too
Partners often feel pulled in multiple directions. They may try to be 'the rock' and suppress their own emotions.
Encourage your partner to:
• Ask for help. They don't have to do everything.
• Talk about their feelings with you, a friend, family, or a professional
• Take breaks to take care of themselves
• Remember their experience is valid, even if it's different from yours
You may grieve differently. That is normal. Be patient with each other.
Helping Your Other Children Understand
Your other children are watching and noticing that something is different. You know your children best, and what's appropriate depends on their age and stage. There is no one-size-fits-all approach.
General guidance
• Be honest in age-appropriate ways. Children understand more than you might think.
• Acknowledge their feelings. Let them know it's okay to feel scared, sad, jealous, or confused.
• Maintain routines and connection. Set aside time for them so they know they're not forgotten.
• Help them meet their sibling if hospital policy allows (preparing them for tubes and machines ahead of time helps).
If You're From a Regional or Remote Area
If you need to return to your community while your baby completes their NICU stay, this adds another layer of difficulty to an already challenging situation.
What can help
• Accommodation support: Ronald McDonald House or Patient Assisted Travel Scheme (PATS) may help with costs
• Stay connected by phone: Call regularly. Ask for updates at a regular time each day.
• Ask about photos or videos of your baby to help you feel connected
• Visit when you can, even if not daily. These visits matter deeply.
Living this separation while also being separated from your community and support network is incredibly hard. You are not failing by struggling with this.
Asking for Help
You should not be managing all of this alone. Ask family and friends for help with:
• Cooking and grocery shopping
• Cleaning the house
• Caring for other children
• Walking the dog
• Doing laundry
• Driving you to hospital visits
• Sitting with you for emotional support
Gather My Crew is a free online tool that can help you coordinate meals and practical help from family and friends. Simply set up what you need help with, and people can sign up to help.
WA Support Services
You are not alone. There are organisations and services across Western Australia that exist to support families like yours.
Hospital-based support
• King Edward Memorial Hospital (KEMH) has psychologists, social workers, and lactation consultants available. Ask for a referral. They also offer hospital debrief sessions.
• St John of God Hospital, Subiaco has the Raphael Centre, which provides psychological support and counselling for perinatal mental health.
• Your NICU or SCN has lactation consultants, social workers, and nurses who can support you. Ask for what you need.
Community support organisations
• Tiny Sparks WA: A not-for-profit charity run by local volunteer families who have experienced NICU journeys. www.tinysparkswa.org.au
• Red Nose Grief and Loss: 1300 308 307
• Bears of Hope: 1300 114 673
• SANDS: 1300 072 637
Mental health services
• Your GP: Can refer you to a psychologist who specialises in perinatal mental health
• Beyond Blue: 1300 224 636
• Lifeline: 13 11 14
• Mental Health Emergency Response Line (MHERL): 1300 555 788 (Perth metro area)
Travel and accommodation
• Ronald McDonald House: 1800 063 968
• Patient Assisted Travel Scheme (PATS): Check with your GP or hospital for information
In Crisis?
If you are experiencing thoughts of harming yourself, feeling suicidal, or in crisis, please reach out immediately:
• MHERL (Perth metro): 1300 555 788 (24 hours)
• Peel area: 1800 676 822
• Rural/remote: 1800 552 002 (4:30 pm to 8:30 am weekdays; 24 hours weekends)
• Emergency: 000
Help is available. You deserve compassionate, professional support. Please reach out.
You Are Doing Better Than You Think
Going home without your baby is one of the hardest things you may ever do. There will be difficult days. There will also be days of hope and moments of connection with your baby. Both kinds of days are valid.
You are a good parent. You have not done anything wrong. You are doing the best you can in an impossible situation, and that is enough.
Please be gentle with yourself. Please ask for help. You are not alone