Guest blog post by Kyran R.
After an awful 19 weeks I was starting to feel human again. Most days were spent in bed so unwell or head in the toilet bowl. Finally at 19 weeks I spent 3 days in hospital hooked up to a drip and some amazing anti nausea medication, that I wished I had from 5 weeks as I may have been able to function. Finally feeling normal with a baby bump, I went into crazy nesting mode. Everything had to be done and done like yesterday. We got the nursery painted and lucky enough my sister inlaw had a baby girl just 6 months before I fell pregnant, so we had just about everything we needed passed onto us. The house was finally clean again and my miserable mood was easing up along with my morning sickness.
At 24 weeks I was getting worse in maternal nesting mode. Full of energy again I was starting my stressed out OCD thing, that happens when I'm stressed. I like it cause things get done but I feel for everyone around me. It was so bad that I was go go go and 24 weeks 6 days along I was trying to ignor what felt like contractions cause I just needed everything done. I only had 12 weeks until this baby was coming.
We had people over and I'd had my beautiful niece for a few hours that day while my sister inlaw was moving house. I loved having her and because I had awful morning sickness for so long I finally enjoyed doing things again. My little bubble of love niece must have warn aunty out I thought. Then later into the evening after everyone had gone, I remember sitting down with my watch timing pains, the idea that I was in labour was so far from my mind as it was so early, yet I have had a number of complications in the past aswell as miscarriages so I quietly went to the bedroom and called the pregnancy help line. I told them everything I was feeling, pressure in my pelvis, tightening in my tummy etc. After a few more tightenings I couldn't stand up through them, maybe it's just Brixton hicks I said to the nurse on the phone, she was also timing my contractions and sent an ambulance straight away. 'Babe babe umm the lady on the phone has sent an ambulance she thinks I'm in labour', he was a little shocked.
Calling around to get someone to come watch my daughter so he could come with me, I assured everyone it was nothing I'm feeling fine really I am, I'm just getting them to check me out that's all. I went in the ambulance and my partner stayed and waited for our friends to come watch my daughter and then took the car up to the hospital. I was honestly thinking I'll be back tonight, it's nothing, it's so early really it is nothing. I like everything to be organised for my daughter when I'm not around cause I'm a little OCD with her aswell, my child my job. Handing the reigns over to everyone eles with no notice would send me nuts.
I was put into a cosy little room with a TV and feeling quite relaxed after having a hole heap of tests done and given some pain relief for what they kept calling contractions. To me at this stage they were just little pains and contractions happen when your in labour and I am still 12 weeks away so they are not contractions. After having a few tests and a scan to look at baby the doctors left me alone for a while.
We quitley watched TV, rang my daughters Uncle and Aunty who were sitting at home with her letting them know I'm okay when the doctor walked in to tell us that the tests had come back high positive for early labour. My heart stopped, I didn't hear anything else he said after that, as my heart went a million miles an hour and with the thought in my head, she won't survive if born now, it's to early, crying in my partners arms. I couldn't get a breath in, my chest was going crazy, a few words went in from the doctors and nurses, bed rest, steroids, pain relief, it was all very blah blah blah.
Over the next few days they were able to stop contractions. I hadn't dilated anymore than 2cm so just needed to rest and only rest. I had spent the first 19 weeks in bed for this pregnancy with morning sickness and finally felt like a human again and I have to stay in bed even though I felt fine?? I ended up 5 days into bed rest at hospital feeling lost. I wanted to go home to my daughter who was staying with her Dad and step Mum while I was in hospital. My contractions had stopped and I'd still not dialated any further so I got the okay to go home.
If contractions started again I would be on bed rest until the end. I was home for a few days before it was all happening again at 27 weeks 5 days. I had my hospital bag completely packed this time. I left my partner sleep as long as I could, made a call to the hospital, they had me on their records from last visit so they told me not to take too long. 'Babe babe babe', I whispered, 'I'm having contractions again'. He jumped up shirt on, grabbed the keys, 'let's go!'
I knew this time I wasn't going home, my daughter was organised and happy staying with her Dad. Her Nan and Pop were over for holidays so she had Nanny time. It helped me being organised going into hospital this time. This time around they gave me nothing to stop the contractions. I had already had steroids to help babies lungs develop. By this stage I felt like she was going to fall out. My pelvis had so much pressure I couldn't really bare the pain.
They kept me in the labour ward as I was having regular contractions. I told my partner to go home and rest as I didn't think anything was going to happen. A couple more days in hospital without even knowing my water had broken, they wanted to hold me off as long as possible, the baby wasn't in any distress and I was handeling what pain I was in okay.
28 weeks 2 days, I was feeling like hospital was my second home. I was missing my partner and my daughter so much. I curled up crying once again in my partners arms, it was starting to get to me. The midwives kept trying to talk to me and I just put my head down, even when I was listening nothing was going in. How can you prepare me for this situation really? That night I was so misrible and I could see how tired my partner was. Tomorrow was Anzac Day so a day off work for him, he looked like he needed it. Trying to juggle my daughter for me, work, paying the bills, and running back and forth to the hospital he was exhausted. I sent him home. I needed to curl up in a ball myself anyway.
Contractions come on quite quickly that night, I didn't want to phone him as I knew he would have just gone to sleep. It was a busy night in the labour ward, I could tell they were under staffed so I just kept quiet when they took me back down as I had been in and out so many times I was thinking this time was nothing like all the others. They had already checked me a few hours ago and I hadn't dialated more that the 2 cm from almost 3 weeks ago. My midwife that was with me rushed off to an emergency c-section so I had another midwife then another. None of them had examined me. I'm little and look like a sook but to be honest I handle Mother Nature better than a little scratch so I guess they were all expecting to see a 5 ft nothing screaming if I was in pain, maybe that's why they overlooked me that night in the labour ward? I don't know. I just wanted to go back upto the room I had just paid TV for and go to sleep, contractions or no contractions.
Finally at almost midnight the midwife asked how I was feeling. She too expected to send me back upstairs until she did an internal to discover I was 8cm dilated, baby was in breach position and I had started bleeding internally from a tear in uterus. I was in trouble! More so myself bleeding, not bub. They all started rushing around and when the doctor came in he told me they had to do an emergency c-section.
I fought with him, 'I want to push, I don't want you to cut me open!' 'Miss', he said, 'It's too dangerous, you may bleed out. We need to get in as soon as possible.' 2 minutes of life and death talk from a very well respected doctor in the maternity hospital shut me up and soon they started to prep me. A woman dying in child birth is so uncommon that it never really sunk in to me how dangerous it was for my body. That it really could have happened. I knew from day one falling pregnant it was a risk due to previous complications but again I never really thought it would happen to me
I called my partner, 'You need to come now. Don't waste any time, just get the camera and get in the car. They are taking me through now.' I was given something to help baby and it made me feel so ill, I felt like death. A panic attack started again just like it did early on when they told me I was high risk for early labour. Crying I was asking my midwife if bub was going to be okay. They can't tell you if a baby born at 28 weeks is going to be okay yet this midwife was amazing. She calmed me down with her own personal touch, meditation, breathing techniques, no one can calm me down when I'm a mess, but she did. She held my hand until they took me into the operating room.